After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
