My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Randomize
