He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
