do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
