K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
