I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
