my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
