Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
