no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
