Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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