the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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