1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Randomize
