At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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