tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Randomize
