I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
