I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
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