How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
me + whiskey = a bad person
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
