You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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