there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
