Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
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