Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
