im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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