literally had 100 drinks last night.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Randomize
