peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
What drink are we having for lunch?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
