you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
