Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
