AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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