god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
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