I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
