is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Randomize
