All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
