i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
