She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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