Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
