i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
