Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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