My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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