I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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