Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
