he shaved USA in his pubs
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
