There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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