He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
