You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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