well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
