it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
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