I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Every concussion has its silver lining
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Randomize
