Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
