I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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