i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Holy sore nipples Batman
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
