went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Randomize
