I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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