It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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