she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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