Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
