Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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