Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
