Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
