My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
