capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
and she was petting her beer can
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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