i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
