i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
