why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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