So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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