Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
