Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
