I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize