we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
