We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
