3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
