Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
