You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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