A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
