How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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