Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
