I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
