Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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