theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize