So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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