Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
