i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
