the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize