Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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