I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I can text with my tongue
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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