Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
