Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
