i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
