That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
