There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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