i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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