and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize