My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
