Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
