she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
