New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
When are your genitals available?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
