i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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