She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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