So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
bring money and cleavage
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
